I’ve felt like God has been wanting me to write about this for awhile and always thought it would be a book someday or something bigger. It’s been a struggle for me for years, and I find it hard to condense into a blog. However, I think too many people struggle now and need encouragement now. People need to know that they can have victory too, that it’s possible, with God.
What am I talking about?
The battle with food. The battle with body image. The battle in our hearts and minds.
I’m going to share my battle story with you, and my prayer is that you will find hope and encouragement in it that you too can overcome this battle.
For me, the issue with food and body image really rose to the surface my senior year of high school. It was after basketball when I had lots of free time without another sport. I could spend hours rollerblading and then obsessing over piddly pounds on the scale. I created all kinds of legalistic rules for myself like how many sweets I could eat/week, how late at night I could eat, how much I needed to work out, etc. I wanted to maintain a good-looking body and fretted over the slightest weight gain. It was extremely unhealthy for my body and mind. I never felt skinny enough and would guilt myself after every time I broke my “rules.” I would often make excuses on weekends or holidays to binge and eat more than I needed to because I had starved myself of the things I enjoyed during the week.
Going to UW-La Crosse actually helped me grow out of this horrible mentality. I grew a lot in my faith my freshman year, and I think God really helped me focus on Him and not my body during that time.
Things were going really well until Christmas break my sophomore year. I was gearing up for a semester in Spain and an internship to follow. I was anxious to know what it would be like, didn’t want to think about all I’d be missing at home, and wanted to soak up my last bit of time at home. Besides wanting to soak up being with family and friends, I also had a desire to soak up the last of home-cooked, American food. I lost self-control and rationalized my way into over-eating with phrases like: “It’s ok if I eat this extra dessert because I can run it off later” or “I want just a little more because I don’t know when I’ll have it again.” This mentality gained me 5 extra pounds before heading to Spain, and I told myself I’d lose it while I was away.
While in Spain, things were going well. I was really loving life and didn’t think much about food and my body. However, as I continued to enjoy eating and drinking all kinds of new things and eating more than I needed at times so as “not to offend my host,” I gained more weight. I didn’t notice at first, but it eventually caught up with me with my clothes didn’t fit quite the same anymore. I recognized there was a problem and was convicted by God that I was not loving my body. I was not treating it as a temple as He clearly says in the Word we are to do. I didn’t have self-control. I was sinning in my choice to not love my body, not treat it as His temple, not have self-control.
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
As I was convicted more and more every day, I wrote down different Bible verses to read throughout the day to help me. It helped, but I continued to fail. I loved eating too much. Food was too good for me to give up. I didn’t mind being a little heavier if I got to “freely” enjoy the foods that were so delicious. I knew that I should care, but I didn’t. I couldn’t find the motivation to stop over-eating. I felt like I couldn’t win because my host mom was making my meals; I couldn’t choose healthy things and didn’t think I could eat less because then I would offend her. (I was so wrong!)
Have you been here? Have you thought you needed to lose weight? Have you thought you needed to just make healthier eating choices? Have you been convicted of not loving your body, of not treating it as God’s temple?
It is an extremely hard place to be. I know. I’m not saying I know exactly how you feel because I don’t. We all have different bodies and different life stories. At the same time, we all have the same enemy, the devil and sin (whether that be sin with food or other areas), and the same God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who came to free us too!
Jesus died for our sins. Jesus resisted the devil when He was tempted. Jesus died so that we might be free. Jesus didn’t die for us to be forever controlled by sin. No, we have freedom from sin in Jesus. We have VICTORY from sin in Jesus!
“This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” 1 John 5:-3-5 NIV
By faith in Jesus, we have overcome the world. We have overcome food and body image issues. In Jesus, we have VICTORY.
Now, I know you may be thinking ‘yea, ok great Kels, I know we can have victory and freedom from sin. Thank you for making me feel all the more guilty that I haven’t found freedom from food and my body image issues.’ That isn’t my intent at all. Please don’t allow yourself to give up hope. Be encouraged.
I was at the point of giving up too when I was in Spain. I remember crying to friends over skype telling them that I just couldn’t win. I knew that I was over-eating but just didn’t have the desire to stop. I was afraid to fight and lose. I was afraid to set rules and fall into that ugly thinking on the other side when I was a senior in high school. I was afraid I’d go from not caring at all to caring far too much and becoming anorexic. I was scared and felt defeated. It tore at me from within and ripped my peace apart. It was awful.
God took me from that fear and offered me hope. It wasn’t an overnight thing, but I began little by little to use the Bible verses daily, repeatedly, not just at night. I reflected on them and prayed over them. I asked friends and family to pray for me. I asked for help in the battle. I asked the Holy Spirit to fill me and give me self-control. I knew I needed God and others to win because I could not do it on my own.
It was a really slow process, but little by little, I began to have self-control. I began to choose healthier foods and smaller portions. I began to say no to seconds and sweets, not always but sometimes. I still slipped up and overate. I still guilted myself for hours after and felt defeated. But I didn’t give up. I held to God’s promises and did not want to let Satan beat me in this battle. (I think my competitive edge helped me out here :)
Coming home from Spain and having surgery two months later that caused me to not eat anything but ice and hard candy for days helped me get perspective on food. Food is for our nourishment and to fuel our body. We need to choose food that is good for our body and gives us energy and strength for the day that God lays before us. Food wasn’t just for my enjoyment. Yes, God has created food and wants us to enjoy it, but there became a point for me when all I saw food for was enjoyment. I thought about food way too often and for way too long. If I limited how much or what I was having, I would think of the next time I could have something like it or the next time I got to eat and what I would eat. I allowed food to consume my mind. It wasn’t just a battle fought when meal time came around. It was a constant battle in my mind that my flesh didn’t want to surrender to. I struggled to think about God instead of food, but capturing every thought and giving it to God was the only way I could win.
“And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.” Luke 12:29
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5
Since I came home from Spain that summer and began fighting for victory, I continued to see wins here and there but still slipped and fell far too often. Running a marathon in the spring helped me get a better perspective on food again as I needed healthy food to run well, to fuel my body. I also was following a running schedule so I wasn’t prone to over-exercise or get too lazy. However, I also used the marathon running unhealthily to allow myself extra sweets since I “deserved” it after running so much, and I thought it wouldn’t be noticeable on my body anyways. I recognize not everyone is going to run a marathon, but if you don’t have a healthy mind-set on food or exercise, ask God to give that to you. Ask Him to help you see the purpose of food and exercise and how that applies to your life. We’re all different, and it’s not going to be the same for any of us, so ask Him what is right for you.
After the marathon, I still wasn’t loving my body. I knew I had issues still, although the battle wasn’t nearly what it used to be. It was on a smaller scale as I had come quite a ways in a year after reading verses over and over, asking the Holy Spirit to fill me and give me self-control every morning, and praying. I knew it was only by God’s power I had come this far, yet I still hadn’t tasted complete victory.
The next months that led to victory I read the book Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, which was a good book but not one I’d recommend to everyone. I continued to pray and continued to be reminded in scripture about how my body is God’s temple.
“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple. God will destroy him, for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.” 1 Corinthians 3:16-17
As I grew in understanding of that and what an honor and blessing it is to know God, my thoughts about food and my body continued to dwindle. As I was convicted of how much I sought to please myself during the day and not God, I asked God to help me seek what pleased Him in every moment, not just the big things. In that my desire to choose healthy things grew. The battle became less and less as I focused on who God is and what He’s done for us. Growing in understanding of the cross and all that Jesus has done for us, I realized how I could give up more and more for Him and wanted to live for Him more and more. He DIED for us. He gave up His life for us. I could surely give up unhealthy eating habits for Him.
As my focus on God and desire to live for Him continued to grow, my choices became easier. I can now think when I eat or exercise, “Ok, is this choice glorifying to God? Is it good for my body? Is it treating it as His temple? Am I using my time for His glory? Is my mind consumed by God and not how my body looks or by food?” Making those choices weren’t easy in the beginning, but it comes more naturally now. Now, don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t eat just fruits and veggies. I still enjoy sweets and snacks but in chosen moderation because I want to eat smaller portions and don’t want to eat them all the time, which wasn’t the case before. These changes are only thanks to the Holy Spirit. As I continue to ask Jesus to be Lord over my life, in all aspects of my life-- that including food and my body, I taste victory.
From where I used to be to where I am today, I can tell you that it’s possible. No matter what end of the spectrum you’re on - if you are over-obsessing over your not overweight body or if you’re overweight and feel defeated - I’ve been in both positions. Please feel free to ask me more about it or pray for you or whatever you need because there is so much more I could say, and I truly want you to be free too. Maybe you’re somewhere in between or facing struggles greater than my own. I don’t know.
I do know that we can all have victory in Christ. How? Asking the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you self-control. Asking God to help you and asking others to join you in the battle. Asking God to give you the view of yourself that He has. Asking God to convict you and encourage you. Asking God for scripture to meditate on and pray over. Asking God for VICTORY. It’s confessing your sin and confessing you can’t win alone, admitting you need God to overcome it. Humble yourself before our loving Jesus and begin to taste the VICTORY we have in Him.
Here are the verses I meditated on while I was battling in Spain. Ask God to use his Word in your battle too.
Colossians 3:2 Galatians 5:22-24 1 Corinthians 10:13 1 Corinthians 10:31
Colossians 3:17 John 6:27 Romans 6:12-14 Romans 8:5
Here are extra verses God has shown me since Spain:
1 John 4:4 1 Peter 5:8-9 Proverbs 25:16 Proverbs 26:27a Proverbs 25:28
